Woes of Failure.

Levitating up Levitation and Eagle Dance

Failure.  

ARG!

I suck with failure!!!

I find sometimes I am avoiding moments where failure is the most likely outcome.  

Following the crux on Cloud Tower

I don’t project rock climbs.  I on-sight.  If I don’t think I can on-sight it I shy the lead away.  

Its not even that I fear falling.  I don’t fully commit to friends, relationships, plans....because what if it doesn’t work out.  It is better to be illusive.  

HA!  I fear failure.  It isn’t really working out any more, this fear of failure thing.  

I turned to Justin Dubois this spring when I was having a little head epic in the Valley.  In one week last April I climbed three big walls in a day in Zion, climbed to Dolt Tower and had my first run up the Regular Route on Half Dome.  All-in-all, 10,000 feet of climbing in 6 days.  Yet, I was frustrated with my progress in mid- May.  My intended objective was pushed out of sight by partner miscommunication and sickness. 

I emailed Justin, “am I a sissy if I bail?”

He sent back something short...probably not knowing that I really needed advice, an outside voice.  

“No, crazy...settle down!”  

This fall again Justin’s words ring around the vast space between my ears.  

Settle down. 

Baxter and Andrew on top of Mt. Wilson--Red Rocks

Ironic as Justin drops me a note today, 
“I think I have your disease...I can’t seem to take a rest day!”

Yup.  It is a disease and it is catching up with me hardcore.  

I feel that I have been battling it, so quickly moving on to the next project...the next adventure that I might not be enjoying the present moment.  

Cory Jammin up the last pitch of Cloud Tower

The pain of my stubby right toe jammed into the one inch crack 600 feet off the deck.  

The grunting exhale that escapes my lips as I shove my left index finger in the space between the parallel sandstone.

The tingling sensation as my hand cranks, forearm burning, pulsing.  Breath labored.
Mind twirling, eyes darting.  '

Finding comfort in the uncomfortable.
Taking control or just taking.

Maybe falling.  
Hopefully sending.  
Whatever it may be, pushing because that is what we do it for. 

I backed off a lead today, because my shoulders hurt.  Because my right elbow aches.  Because my shoes are all blown out.  Because I was afraid of not sending.  

Afraid of Failing.
  

My ego hurts as does my body.  I had a great time in Vegas last week.  Trying hard, succeeding.  Clay suggests that I may be too hard on myself.  

It allows me success, but it hinders the smile.  

It fogs the sunset, slogs the movement, mutters the conversations between friends. 

.........and this is how it is now.  
Clinging to a pin scar on the first crux of Rainbow Wall.  

Red Rock Routes

Resolution Arete 5.10--11 hours C-T-C

Cloud Tower 5.12a

Rainbow Wall 5.12 

Levitation 29 and Eagle Dance Link-up 7 hours C-T-C

Rock Warrior, Dream of Wild Turkeys and Prince of Darkness link-up

Some cragging at Brass Wall, Gallery, and others

Zion Routes

Moonlight Free Attempt 5.12d (did not complete)

Sheer Lunacy 3 1/2 hours on route

Force Boyle 5.11

Bits and Pieces 5.11

Monkey Finger 5.12

some cragging at Touchstone Base and Kung Fu Theater, and others

20-12's in 2012

Plus one 5.13!

After the June trip to Yosemite I needed an obtainable/fun goal to occupy my mind.

Chris Trimble confused by the summer choices!

What to do?  What to do?

Summer in Estes is filled with too much work, a lot of play, and minimal amounts of sleep.  I rallied friends and co-workers, "let's all try to climb twenty 5.12's in the year 2012!"  Some agreed to the challenge and currently we are all working towards completing the 20.  Adam Sanders, Trango Rep. and climbing madman set this goal in 2011, trying to climb 20 5.12's before 2012 arrived.  I stole his idea! :)

So far, I have climbed 8 sport climbs and one traditional climb.  (It seems I have time for a sport wanking outing about once a week).  My one full day off each week is spent wandering the Rocky Mountains alpine splitters!

The list is ongoing....and I have updated as I have climbed!



So far

1.  Mistrel in the Gallery, 5.12, The Gallery, Red Rocks

Justin Dubois Photo

2.  Blisters in the Sun, 5.12a Queen Creek, Arizona
3.  Days of Future Past- 5.12a, Animal World--Boulder Canyon

4.  Free Fall -5.12a, Avalon--Boulder Canyon

5.  Furious Howard Brown 5.12 a/b, Surprising Crag--Boulder Canyon

6. Threshold of a Dream 5.12-, Animal World--Boulder Canyon

7.  Wet Denim Day Dream 5.12-, Wall of the 90's--Clear Creek (Onsight)

8.  Red Neck Hero 5.12, River Wall---Button Rock Reservoir.  

9. The Wasp 5.13-, Rock of Ages --- Rocky Mountain National Park (3rd try on lead, trad climb)

10. Rise and Shine 5.12-, Bitty Butress -- Boulder Canyon
11.  The Gate Keepr 5.12a, Wizards Gate --- The Crags, RMNP
12. All Too Obvious 5.12, Spearhead---RMNP (onsight) (traditional)
13. Medicine Man 5.12b, Colorado National Monument (onsight) (traditional)
14.  Jolt Cola 5.12a, Blob Rock, Boulder Canyon
15.  Aoxamoxoa, 5.12b, The Bank, Shelf Road
16. Pick Pocket 5.12a, Cactus Cliff, Shelf Road
17. Blade Runner 5.12a, Cactus Cliff, Shelf Road

My most exciting lead to date, The Wasp, occurred Wednesday July something or other.  Tuesday, I hiked out with Bronson to top rope and suss out some gear.  Previously, I had one top-rope lap on The Wasp this summer in late June.  I also have had some miserable burns on it a few summers back.  This June was the first time I top-roped it with no falls and no extreme pump.  I had to work at noon, so although I felt strong and was tempted for a lead go, I didn't have time.

Wednesday, my girlfriend Kelly Cramer, returned with me.  Through a small debate on the hike up, WE decided that there would be no more top-roping.  I would walk up to the climb and lead the darn thing.  I fell entering the crux traverse.  BOO.  I was fully pumped.

I rested for a while, then tried again.  Feeling solid I reached the "jug" at the end of the traverse left, but had placed a piece in the way.  I shuffled around trying to jam my hand under the cam, but in my flurry ended up just grabbing it.  Double BOO.  I definitely hollered a few F-Bombs.  Irritated at my lack of mental control!!!!

 I was also worried I wouldn't have the energy for another full effort.  I rested 20 minutes or so, then headed up for the 3rd time.  Through the traverse, I placed the cam in a better location, moved through, and stood up for a rest.  One more reachy move puts you on a "smile-evoking-foot-holds-surprise-hand-rail-of-joy"traverse right.  I placed another piece but was short a runner.  I clipped it directly and began climbing upwards towards the piton.

The Wasp, Photo taken from Mountain Project

WHEN DID THE SMALL CHILD JUMP ON MY BACK, I thought?  I just sand-bagged myself with an extreme lightening zag of rope drag.  I thought about down-climbing and taking the piece out but thought I would waste to much energy.  In hindsight, I wasted just as much energy climbing upwards with the rope drag, Elvis clipping and such.  Even with the little extra epic I created for myself, I clipped the piton, moved through the last few crimps to the jug at the lip with just enough energy!  YAHOO!!!!!!!!!

Heel hooking in the Ra's in Boulder Canyon!  

Thanks Kelly and Bronson for hiking out there with me!

Recently, Trango has picked up Tenaya shoes, and have been testing a few.  I have always been partial to climbing with Muira's, but am finding Tenaya's Ra to be quite comparable.  Great rubber, stiff and comfortable.  The Masai's are a less aggressive shoe that I am climbing in a size bigger than usual, but am loving them for long days.  They still have a great toe box and edge, but more flexibility.  My Off-width shoes of choice!!

Give these shoes a try!!!

NIAD Trip Report

Jes' and her shadow.  Pitch 13--Tom Evans Photo

"Oh, you want to hear something with beats?" Bill Wright says to me as he fiddles with the car stereo. Four twenty seven on Sunday, June 10th, Jes and I were carpooling all of 500 yards---from the Manure Pile pull out to El Capitan Meadow with Bill Wright and Hans Florine.  After climbing the Nose and descending the East Ledges we new we would be pretty excited to have an extra car stashed --shortening our hike.

Roughly 10 hours and 19 minutes later, "I got the moves like Jagger" floated-- fully orchestrated-- back into my head as I clipped up the bolt ladder on the last pitch of the Nose.  "Yes, yes I do" I thought, as I stomped on a bolt for a foot hold.  Aid climbing!!

Jes reached the top anchors minutes after me.  Simultaneous with her finish and clicking stop on the timer, she was handed a Murphy's Stout.  Strange order of events.

Swollen Fingers

Instead of yelling on and off belay, we often yell this phrase.  

Piton Pete, a valley legend, cracked and passed one in our direction.  He, his partner, and another gal from Joshua tree (whose 2 partners were still down below) were all at the last anchor of the Nose.  The giant gong show included but was not limited to; 2 strewn single portaledges--both fully inflated, 5 ropes all in full use, wafts and visuals of well traveled poop bags, and a lottery winnings worth of climbing hardware.   It was like a where's waldo game of climbing paraphernalia.

Tom Evans Photo, Quinn leading above Eagle Ledge

Aside from the over populated top pitch, the climbing day went pretty much without a hitch.  I started climbing slowly, reaching the top of the first pitch in 18 minutes.  I gradually increased my pace, finding a nice solid rhythm and reached Dolt Tower (top of Pitch 11) in 2 hours 40 minutes.  Jes and I switched leads here.  She took off up to El Cap Tower.  We simul-climbed up through the bolt ladder and the Boot Flake.  A party of 3 young men from Michigan let us pass, seeing us coming from a few pitches off.  Thanks boys!
Jes stuck the King Swing first try, pulled me over with our short tag line and I took over the lead again off of Eagle Ledge.  The last time we were here on a practice run Piton Pete was living on Eagle Ledge.  We had to crawl through his nest after the King Swing.  He even offered and made Jes coffee!

Eagle Ledge on first go around, Jes finishing the King Swing

At Camp 4, Jes and I swapped leads once more.  She approached the Great Roof quickly, as well as another party of two.

These gentleman were awesome, full of enthusiasm given their previous epic evening.  They didn't sleep much, having to work well into the night trying to free their haul bag, it snagged somewhere along the grey bands.  Dave, from Colorado, was hollering with excitement the whole time Jes and I approached and passed!  Thanks guys!

From there Jes and I just kept plugging and chugging.  Somewhere around Camp V I realized that if we were off in less than 3 hours we would break the record.  Somehow we had cut 4 hours off our previous attempt and were still feeling strong.

Last pitch madness.  

"Lets GO!" I hollered at Jes, "we can do this!"  We traded leads for one last time at the base of pitch 27.  I free climbed the bottom section of the Changing Corners, short-cut up the bolt ladder and crack jummared my way up to the last pitch.

 I arrived to find the other 2 Joshua Tree girls (Bernadette, Mitzi, and Beth are their names), at the anchor starting the last pitch.  "Do you mind if we pass?" I gasped.  Jes and I had passed the girls on Sickle Ledge days before on our first run on Wednesday and they were quite friendly.  This time I was met with a few F-bombs--- directed mostly at their predicament, not entirely me.

Meadow

The Nose essentially follows the sun/shade line

Apparently, the girls had been chilling at 'the wild stance' for 2 hours, waiting for Piton Pete and his cluster to get out of the way.  I explained that we were really close to breaking the record, I wouldn't be a bother...its a bolt ladder easy to work around, and I don't leave anything behind really anyway.  I looked at my watch to make sure it was worth it.  It was 3:09, we started climbing at 5:22.  We were close.  We chatted for a few more minutes, waited for their leader to get a little further along, and then I made my moves, like Jagger.

Sorry, no leather pants!  

Self-Promotion

Blogging.  I have had a few lame attempts.  I am good at keeping a journal, but blogging?
It is time again to try.
I did great with our expedition blog, until the expedition was over.  Craig was really good about writing, so I kind of just let him run the show.
This?
This blog is mine.  No one to relinquish my laziness too.
Personal blog= Self Promotion.  Self Promotion= Less time actually playing and more time talking about playing.
I have my concerns with self promotion. 

As my good friend Karl (pictured) once said, "Enough about me talking about me, let's hear what you have to say about me."

I am not the greatest writer nor am I sold on the idea that other people might have an interest in reading about Quinn Lenae Brett.  Yet, I have some personal goals that I would like to accomplish and I think a blog would help.

58 Degree water.  No wetsuit!

One of those goals is climbing related.  I am trying to climb harder these days, more importantly, get my name out there.  Since I don't live in Boulder, have yet to go to the ever important 'Trade Show' in Salt Lake City, nor do have a 5.13 climbing resume......the process is slow.

Other problems.  I drink more wine and margaritas than I should.  I also am not entirely focused on climbing as a profession, for a few reasons.  One, competing in triathlons and hand-stands contests are equally as interesting.  I am quite good at them too.  WATCH OUT!!!!

Andrew Barnes, Wes and I--Handstand Across the World

B.), I don't have rich parents who are willing to financially support me, nor do I play the lotto.    Last, work is a must.  I tend to LIKE to work also (shh, don't tell anyone).  When my bank account gets to a low number I don't like, I find work to beef it back up to an adequate number.  

This all takes away from the full dirtbag lifestyle of living years on the road climbing to my hearts content.

Oh the sights!

I do, however, climb and enjoy climbing immensely.  It is a physical and mental challenge unlike any other.  I have traveled to cool places, met some fabulous people and seen vistas I otherwise would never see.  See below. 

Onto the self-promotion part.  I have a few 5.12 climbs under my belt.  I may hold a few female run/solo records in RMNP.  That is if a female record is different than a males records, if not, I am pretty darn happy with my personal records on certain ridges and solo's in the park.

Enough of that.  Time for bed.