I thought creating Dovetail was an excellent platform to join groups of people, connecting them to trendy yoga and now very trendy rock climbing. Rock climbing, for me, was more then the physical strife or extravagant vista. I enjoyed, and sucked terribly at, finding breath, clarity, motivation, communication ...the rapid chess game. I was challenged.
The next step for me, the infectious part, was to build the confidence of Dovetail participants not only with physical endeavors but hopefully with daily life endeavors.
Communication in their relationships, frustrations with vocation, and joy within themselves. Sift through the bullshit nitpicking, simmering on over-blown disagreements. Realizing that life IS a gift, love and respect fosters creativity. Anger can certainty fuel motivation and clarity of situations but a breath needs to find its way between the emotion and the spoken word.
yadda yadda yadda. This accident has me striving for that movement...the release from my brain...the release from dwelling on "what if's." Dwelling on feeling like a failure. Dwelling on the past and the person I was striving NOT to be before, selfish, naive, stupid, ungrateful.
Ironic I am now forced to sit. Sit with the uncomfortable pose that life has currently thrust at me.
What lesson would I teach myself?
I am struggling with my current pose. I think we all have struggles in our position... feel alone. I am learning, that we are. Only I can control my emotions, can control my actions, can control the presence I convey to others. Others are doing the same dance in their own space at their own pace. Be friends or be it partners. To paraphrase Plato's Symposium, we have been divided into two in order to maintain a humble nature. We strive to find our other half. When we are lucky to find that other half, we feel like we are back to our original self. This, is love.
When we find comfort with ourselves, we can give comfort to others and venture further into our pose, into our minds. My dance, next to your dance....is us dancing together.
To find joy in the small moments. To remember that although I am not doing a handstand on a mountain summit, I am breathing. I can SEE the summit of Longs Peak, remember parts of the Park that I know better then the hair on the back of my legs. I should be grateful for the running around, the failures, the incredible experiences with friends and strangers I have had in those granite nooks and gneiss crannies.
I have found a new threshold and am trying my hardest to breath. There is pain. There is overwhelming embarrassment and frustration.
One day there will by joy, love, and comfort with this pose.