Just had another transition moment.
I don't think I am fully depressed but life moments keep gleaming straight at me. Moved over to my friend Caroline's house. She lives in Denver, only a 20 minute drive or so from Craig Hosptial. I wanted to stay close to Craig continuing PT and one-on-one therapies for the next 2 months rather intensely. I visit Estes Park, see my backyard and my kitchen about once a month.
I miss home. I miss the ease of life I took for granted.
The transition is difficult for multitude of reasons. The climbing ranger Job posting is about to be released via the government interwebs. The team is in communication with one another, as they should be, but I feel left out. I am no longer capable of performing the job that I freekin' loved. The National Park is trying their best to get me back into the mix, but unfortunately as with Government work there is not a job description to fulfill the tasks I am capable. I can do administrative work, dispatch work, or even work in the wilderness permit office. I am toying with those ideas but would really love to create that job description and work towards continuing the work I was doing.
I know I can't go into the field to do Search and Rescue but I am very capable of the performing Incident Command staff work in the office. There are many tasks that fall to the way-side, especially during the summer months, that I could continue to do in the Ranger Division. Not to mention the work I would love to continue with the Climbing Concessions, the Rocky Mountain National Park now allows 6 companies to guide technical climbing. I was working with the companies and guides, trying to develop a better relationship between for-profit and National Parks, instilling better Leave no Trace climbing ethics, developing stewardship days, clean-ups etc. Alas, this particular work was just some of my duties as a climbing ranger, something I think I could continue doing if a position existed. It doesn't in Rocky.
Bitch moan, bitch moan, bitch gripe.
I try to reel in the negative tone and realize the great things.....
So, I have been putting out the feelers on other work.
I have been swimming 2 times a week at local recreation centers. Swimming is nice, gets my heart moving but it certainly is different. Hopefully I will find biking to be joyous, with hand cranks and all.
I wonder about joy still. I cry at the silliest things; missing my bed, sad at the home decorating I was in the middle of.....